Psych 101

Men go to great lengths to hide their issues. "Playas", for example, aren't born with that mentality. I believe filandering is a retaliation/defense mechanism that men have developed over time to deal with some deeper issues. It makes total sense to me that in this "dog eat dog" society playas decide to hurt others before they get hurt because they've been hurt and don't want to be hurt again. This train of thought has lead me to read deeper into the smallest things that people say and do.

Based on DeeOne's need for constant attention and reassurance, I decided to ask his caseworker at the DCF what his deal was. By the time this conversation occurred, I had already decided against inviting him to be on the team. However, I was really intrigued by him. DeeOne had been a ward of his state since he was 9 years old. His mother passed when he was a child, and he had never met his father. Since DeeOne didn't sign a waiver granting his agency permission to share information with me, I didn't get any feedback other than "he has some issues and received services from us in the past." No shit.

DeeOne was very clear about his love for women. As a matter of fact, when I called him on his shirtless poses on facebook he told me that the purpose of those photos was to show off his abs! According to DeeOne, he had worked for years to develop his abs because as a boy he was chubby. Nothing was odd about this. Most 20 year old straight men want to be noticed by women. The red flags didn't come out initially, but once he cracked the door open I saw a lot more than he wanted to show. The extent of DeeOne's issues became clear to me when he and I chatted in my office during his random visit to campus.

Me: You have a lot to learn in terms of how you carry yourself around professionals.
DeeOne: How you figure?
Me: When you were talking to the VP in the hallway, you never made eye contact with him.
DeeOne: Yeh?
Me: Even right now as I'm talking to you, you won't look me in the eye.
DeeOne: I have a hard time looking men in the eye.
Me: I see.