Cock Blockers

I'm somewhat of a control freak. This personality trait is reflected in various aspects of my life, including basketball coaching. During the first week of school, for example, I require all of my players to show me four notebooks, four folders, and an assignment notebook just to make sure they have the essentials for class. In addition to implementing a formal dress code for road games, I also forbid any player from writing papers about topics related to basketball (or other sports) with the goal of getting them to broaden their horizons.

Blue Heffner played for me when I was a first year coach here. Five years later, he still stands out as my most eccentric player ever. Blue had a very colorful personality. He was so out there that I didn't even have to give him an alias for this entry; he gave the name Blue Heffner to himself. The irony of it all is that Blue Heffner was very dark skinned and had dark brown eyes. At some point, he decided to start wearing ice blue contacts because he thought it would look cool. Once he started wearing the contacts, his character came alive.

Blue was tall, skinny, and very athletic, but never played high school basketball. He admitted as much when we met for the first time. After watching him for a couple of days during tryouts, I decided to take a chance on Blue. It was clear that Blue wouldn't play much during his freshman season, but I felt that he could be a monster player in his sophomore year if he allowed me to coach him. Surprisingly, he was cool with not playing at all and learning the game. He was a great teammate. Unfortunately, however, he was a headache and a half in the classroom.

Blue scored a 1200 on his SATs (math and verbal) without taking a prep class. One would never know that because he goofed off so much in class and his grades sucked. He just never knew when to turn off the "Showtime" light. None of his professors liked him. I received emails regularly about his antics in class. After a few episodes I decided to cut him for a month. I explained to Blue that if he really wanted to be on the team, he would have to take a very different approach to class.

The suspension served its purpose. Blue's grades improved enough for me to let him back on the team. He was still having a hard time with his English class, however. Knowing this, I asked him to let me see his papers before submitting them just to make sure he was utilizing our tutoring services. There was one paper in particular he wouldn't let me read.

Me: Why can't I read your essay? You know I'm not going to judge you. The goal of this is to help you become a better writer.
Blue: I just don't know how you're gonna take the topic.
Me: You didn't write about sports, did you?
Blue: No. Not at all. I wrote about the next best thing I knew about.
Me: What's that?
Blue: Girls! haha
(Hands me the paper..)
Me: Is this a joke?? Are you fuckin serious?!?
Blue: See. That's why I didn't wanna show it to you.
Me: First off, you already turned this in. Secondly, how the fuck do you write an essay about "Cock Blocking" and give this to a professor! Are you kidding me?!

His thesis statement read something like this: A cock blocker is a friend who impedes your ultimate goal of getting it on with a female pursuit. Blue got a "C" on the paper...