Chubbs doesn't like his father. He despises the fact that his father has been locked up four times in ten years. He hates that his father beat him as a child for misbehaving. Chubbs has a general dislike for his father's being, in general. Ironically, he looks just like him.
Chubbs is merely 14 years old. He's funny, sarcastic, and he absolutely loves football. Despite the fact that he has many friends, he seems to lack confidence in himself. This stems, in part, from being an underachiever in school. He's a "C" student who really struggles with Math. As a result of his academic difficulties this past year, Chubbs' mother actually asked for him to be kept back at school to repeat the seventh grade.
Chubbs has known his father for as long as he could recognize people. They just never had that bond, according to Chubbs. Since his mom and father never lived together, Chubbs has had the "luxury" of distancing himself from the man he so resembles. While he views this as a good thing, the tragic aspect of Chubbs' story is that he lacks the presence of a consistent, strong male role model in his life.
Chubbs' mother gave birth to a baby boy when he was 12, but his little brother's father bailed on the family after a year. Before leaving, Chubbs' stepfather told him bluntly, "I'm here for my baby and your mom, not you." He shared this with me, and more, while we sat on a bench at his camp. I agreed to be a mentor at this camp not realizing that I would have some heavy baggage handed to me.
In my experience as a coach and teacher, I have been asked many questions about a number of things--ranging from my personal life to my thoughts on what's playing on the radio. Usually, with some reflection, I have been able to answer these questions adequately. Chubbs asked me a question about black men that I continue to ponder.
Chubbs: My mom's father wasn't really involved in her life.
Me: Yeh? Did she tell you why?
Chubbs: No. She doesn't talk about it. My father doesn't even know his dad.
Me: That's interesting. Both of your parents didn't have relationships with their father, and you don't either.
Chubbs: I know. My little brother won't even have a relationship with his father either. Can I ask you a question?
Me: Sure.
Chubbs: Why don't black men like to be fathers?
Not all Black men dislike being fathers. My closest Black male friends that are fathers are top role models, most of them playing both roles and very well, and they wouldn't have it any other way.
ReplyDeleteWhen did he say anything about black men not wanting to be fathers? 3/4 of black fathers are involved in their children's lives.
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