Ether

Four years into coaching I still don't know how to respond when a player tells me that his mother is a crackhead. I end up saying something like, "I'm sorry to hear that", but I usually come away feeling like something more heartfelt was needed in that moment. Like most listeners I tend to feel like I have to heal a twenty-year wound instantly, as if some clever quote (or hug) can really heal a deep rooted issue that quickly. Experience has taught me that the best way to respond is by simply listening.

During practice, I noticed Lebraun was out of it. His practice was going so poorly that he lost to the slowest guy on the team in a one-on-one suicide competition. Not realizing he was dealing with some heavy stuff, I started to get annoyed and he could sense it. Eventually, Lebraun asked to talk to me about what was weighing on him so heavily.

Lebraun: Coach, I'm not really into this today. Sorry. It's just I got a lot on my mind.
Me: What's wrong?
Lebraun: For Christmas my dad gave me $200 and I decided to buy a necklace for my mom with it even though he told me not to.
Me: Why'd he tell you not to do it?
Lebraun: He was like don't give her no money cuz she gonna buy stuff with it.
Me: So you chose to buy her a necklace instead. What's the problem then?
Lebraun: (his eyes growing red) I found out earlier that she sold the necklace for crack.
Me: Damn. Serious, man?
Lebraun: Yeh. She tried to sell it to my cousin who sells and he told me.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that.
Lebraun: I been tryin to get to know her my whole life but she been heavy into crack.
Me: You didn't grow up with her?
Lebraun: Nah. I grew up wit my dad, but me and him ain't really get along like that.
Me: Why not?
Lebraun: It always felt like he'd choose his girlfriends over me.