You Can't Handle the Truth!

I was sitting on a witness stand being grilled by a District Attorney. As often as I'd seen movie scenes of people getting questioned in court rooms, nothing could've prepared me for what I was about to experience. I went in thinking the DA would ask me a few basic questions then I'd be on my merry way. Wrong. This jerk was out to make me look like a liar!

A couple of months after Doedoe quit the team, he sent me a random text asking if I could take the stand for him. Bubblees don't understand how to maintain relationships with the right people. The concept of burning bridges is foreign to them. When Doedoe decided to quit the team without any forewarning, it never occurred to him that he would need to call me for support at some point. Initially, I considered hanging him out to dry. When I gave it more thought, however, I knew I had to do the right thing. It was my responsibility to tell the truth in court so he could avoid jail time.

Fortunately for Doedoe I wrote a letter days after the robbery occurred to his Lawyer stating that he was at practice. He just needed me to get on the stand to corroborate my statement. I didn't realize the DA had it in mind to make a mockery of my existence, though.

DA: What's your occupation?
Me: I'm an Admissions Counselor and basketball coach.
DA: Are you sure about that?
Me: What's that supposed to mean?
DA: Uh huh
Me: No really? What's that supposed to mean?
DA: Do you see it as your responsibility to protect the players you so value?
Me: I see it as my job to mentor my players. Sure.
DA: Apparently, you don't understand what I'm saying. I said, "protect", not mentor.
Me: (annoyed) Well, I'm just telling you that I mentor my players.
DA: Can you please explain to the court, Coach (sarcastic tone) why you're giving this guy an alibi? Did he score a lot of points for you or something? (smiling now)

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR
JUDGE: SUSTAINED

Me: (deep breath) What?! You think I'd risk my livelihood to lie for some kid on a witness stand?!?!?!
DA: That's not what I asked you. Again, you're having a hard time grasping what's being asked of you. Were you this confused when you wrote up this alibi for your player?!?
Me: (foolishly) I DIDN'T GIVE HIM AN ALIBI!! HE WAS AT PRACTICE!

I was furious when I left the stand. Making matters worse was the fact that Doedoe's Lawyer asked me to show up for court at 830 a.m. I wasn't summoned until 230 p.m.! I missed a day of work to be insulted by some asshole Attorney. Ultimately, Doedoe avoided jail time when the judge rendered a verdict of not guilty. Doedoe texted me afterwards to thank me for supporting him.

He's now at a 4-year college continuing his education.